Siblings of Adults with Special Needs, Disabilities, or Mental Illness
Many sibs go their entire lives being overlooked because of the magnitude of their sibling’s challenges.
I see you.
There are so many services for children and adults with special needs, disabilities, and mental illness. Including their caregivers!
But there are so few for their siblings.
Your experience matters.
Siblings of disabled children and adults experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and PTSD than the general population.
The Unique Experience of Siblings of Adults and Children with Special Needs and Disabilities
-
Must be "perfect" or "low maintenance"
Your parents have “enough on their plate” so you become the “easy” one, the one perfect sibling who didn’t need anything.
But you were a child, too. You needed care, attention, and space to have your own feelings. -
Feeling neglected or forgotten
In the sea of appointments and services for your sibling, your needs may not have been addressed.
Sometimes appointments for the sib fall to the wayside, or special events can only be attended by one parent or a grandparent, because their disabled sibling needed attending to. -
A born caregiver
In some families, sibs take on a caregiving role from an early age. Some sibs welcome this and some sibs don’t - but many feel like they didn’t have a true choice.
Many sibs also grow up knowing early on that they will be the ones to take care of their siblings when their parents die. This is another situation where sibs have mixed feelings - sometimes it’s about grieving the fact that you didn’t get a choice. -
Early and lifelong worries
What if your disabled sibling gets bullied? Who will take care of them when your parents die? Do they get home care, or go to a group home? What services do they need?
At the end of the day, you’re family. Worry about your special needs sibling is normal. Sometimes, this isn’t understood very well by other people who don’t “get it.” -
Your friends don't get it
It’s hard to understand what it’s like being a sib. It is truly a unique experience.
It’s hard to hear friends say things like, “that’s for your parents to worry about, not you!” or “just go to your room, or low contact with them” - it’s not that simple. -
Common early life lessons cannot apply to you
When other kids were learning to share between their brothers and sisters, you knew that your sibling physically could not learn to share.
Other families saw straightforward consequences for misbehavior - your family had to take different approaches with therapists or other support staff. -
Your own neurodivergence
Many sibs are also neurodivergent or have their own disability. Many people don’t realize this.
Because your challenges were not as “severe” - they may have been under-treated. As an adult, you’re now trying to figure it out.
General Resources for Sibs